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This blog is made up of the ramblings and going on's in my life. Some exciting and some not so much...so I will spice those experiences up. LOL Jump on board and follow me along this journey I call "life".

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sit or Stand???

Well, one of the worst days of the year has come and gone. Mother's Day. While I love my mother and want that day to be special for her, I don't know where I belong on that day. I am confussed to a degree on my role on that day. In 1994, Mark and I had twin girls (Hannah & Faith), but their date of birth would also be their date of death as well. It is nothing that I really like to talk about, just write about it. Some when they find out just give me the pity nod with I'm sorry, while others want to know every sordid detail of their death. Either way, I try to avoid the subject, but some won't let it go. Why do people fill compelled to ask you if you have children?? I get this a lot while doing my comedy act. You send a bio profile that doesn't mention children, so that must mean that I don't have any; so why ask? Then I am not sure what to say...yes or no??? Either could be true. No, I don't have any living children or yes, I have children but they are dead. There is never an easy answer. The same rule applies at church on Mother's Day. When asked if all Mothers would please stand...do I sit or stand?? I usually sit...it avoids answering questions from those who don't know. It is usually me and the teenage girls left sitting. I thought I had avoided it this year, but that question was posed to us during the sermon. Every woman stood while me and a few young girls remained sitted and politely clapped. This day is more dreaded than their birthday or Christmas. So I still wonder every year...should I sit or stand??

6 comments:

  1. Oh sweet friend. I love you and I hate that you are even forced to have this conversation.

    I think the answer is up to you. You could say that you are the mother to two beautiful children who are waiting on you in Heaven.

    I will never forget the day that I found out that our baby was gone. You are the one that I talked to about it and I was so thankful that there was ONE PERSON in the world who knew how I felt.

    You helped me so much through that experience.

    A lifetime of helping people will never make up for your loss...I know. But I am forever grateful.

    And my vote is to STAND UP!!

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  2. I completely understand Tracey how you feel. I have my two boys now, but when I lost my other babies Mother's day was so hard! It still is to a degree, because I still think of my angel babies often. How old they would be now, what they might be doing, etc. I think about how I should have six children, not just two. It is a loss that never, ever goes away. You can just tell people that you have angel babies, and you will see them again some day. I still get great support from my miscarriage groups, and I think I always will. The saddest one for me is the first, because with each commemoration of Sept. 11th, that is a reminder of the first baby that I lost, who should be 9 years old now. So hard, especially when you have held those babies in your hands. Your loss will forever be there, and when we arrive in glory God will tell us why we had to suffer here on earth. God bless you my friend!

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  3. I saw you on my cousins page. I know the hurt you feel as I have been there myself. It is a loss that is forever felt and never forgotten. I am so sorry for the children you no longer have and know God has a special blessing for you when you are with them once again in heaven. God bless you for your ministry and the help you are to others!! Oh I am from Wilmington also. :0) Judy Simonpietri

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  4. You should stand . . . you should always stand.

    So glad I found your blog! You have a gift of making others smile.

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  5. You should stand sweetheart, Because we as christains know that the real life begains at death. So your little girls are alive and well with Christ. I always think of you on Mothers Day and Christmas and Sept,the 16th.Mama wishes she knew how you feel but I don't. But I do know some what how you feel on Mothers Day because before you were born I myself hate that because I couldn't stand. So stand next year and if anyone ask you tell them they are Jesus!!

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  6. You should always stand! Whether your children are alive or in heaven you are their mother! You gave them life and with that God had other plans for your little girls. Remember everything happens for a reason and sometimes we may never know the reason or understand it. You must trust in the lord and know he is in control and He too would tell you to stand! I do not know how you are feeling as I do not have any children but I'm sure the pain is sometimes unbearable. Be strong and stand tall for your two beautiful little girls!!!!! God Bless You!!!!!

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