Saying No to a Second Chance!!!

I was watching a TV show where a woman had the chance to have another baby.  Her one and only child is about to graduate high school, and now this chance to have another baby is staring her in the face.  Her answer is no, and she offered  no explanation why she didn't jump at this second chance; but I understand how she feels.

In 1994, we had twin girls that didn't come home.  Then in late 1995 once again I was disappointed when I miscarried twins.  I vowed then that I wasn't going to try again, that the pain and my emotional state was too fragile to do this again...only to be disappointed.  There was a longing of wanting a child for many years, but it was always filled with hugs and love from children in our various churches.  I had finally accepted the fact that the pitter patter of little feet would not grace our home.  In some ways not having children had its advantage....could go to Walmart at 3 in the morning, go on vacation and not worry about school schedules, no worries of braces or how to pay for college.  Then in 2006 I was diagnosed with uterine cancer.  Then the choice was no longer mine, but now...I can't have children...or so I thought.

That summer my Oncologist told me that if I biopsied negative 3 times in a row, we could talk about having a baby.  The first two biopsies were negative, and now this dilemma was staring me in the face.

This was a chance that I should have jumped at...been thrilled beyond all measure, but I wasn't.  Now I was 36 years old and by the time we actually had a baby, Mark would be 50 years old.  Not to mention that in 2004 he was diagnosed with Factor 5 blood clot disease....to which is a genetic disease.  Our baby could be born with this only to die at a young age.  I physically or emotionally didn't think I could go through another loss.  I felt guilty for deciding that my answer would be no.  I never did really tell anyone that it was no...because biopsy number 3 was positive and the dream was shattered once again.  I can understand a woman deciding not to have a baby after so much time as passed.

I love the life that God gave me....although I often wonder what if??? But I am completely satisfied with loving on my nieces, nephew and the kids of our church.  So don't think hard of someone if they don't jump at a person not jumping at the chance to have another baby, they may be completely at peace with their decision.